Winds of Uranus News
Dateline: Planet Earth — June 2025
In a surprise move nobody saw coming (least of all their children), Baby Boomers across the globe have begun a mass experiment in natural dopamine regulation — with world-changing effects rippling across every sector of society.
The movement, sparked by a viral video titled “You Can’t Hoard Your Way to Happiness” and a rogue AI therapist chatbot named Dr. FeelZ Good, has resulted in Boomers swapping stockpiling and scrolling for breathwork, cold plunges, forest bathing, and ecstatic dance.
“Frankly, we’re stunned,” said Dr. Sanjay Vriwala of the International Dopamine Monitoring Coalition. “Just two months ago, this demographic was responsible for 76% of global QVC sales and 93% of all forwarded conspiracy emails. Now they’re doing kundalini yoga and turning off their phones at night.”
The Economic Fallout
The effects have been profound.
Stock markets crashed overnight when Boomers began mass-deactivating their Amazon accounts.
“The sudden collapse of the Precious Memories™ commemorative plate sector was especially devastating,” noted one Wall Street analyst. “Entire hedge funds were built on that dopamine loop.”
Big Pharma, too, has reported billions in losses as Boomers turned to intermittent fasting, gratitude journaling, and nature immersion instead of their usual cornucopia of mood-modulating pills.
Social & Cultural Shifts
Perhaps the most startling impact has been on global family dynamics.
Adult children report an eerie transformation in their parents:
- “They’re calling just to ask how I’m doing. No advice. No guilt trips. Just love.”
- “Mom invited me to a cacao ceremony. Dad’s learning ecstatic drumming.”
- “They stopped forwarding those chain emails. I cried.”
One anonymous Gen X-er told Winds of Uranus:
“For the first time in my life, my dad sat in stillness and looked me in the eye. He said, ‘I’m proud of you. Also, I’m off Facebook.’ I fainted.”
Global Political Effects
With dopamine systems rebalanced, many Boomers are now questioning their own past political fervor.
“We were all so dysregulated. Cable news was our drug,” confessed Marge H., 72, of Florida. “Now that I’m practicing heart coherence and daily sun-gazing, I realise maybe we shouldn’t have tried to control the whole world. Sorry about that.”
In fact, entire voting blocs are shifting.
A new movement, “Boomers for Euphoria, Not Empire,” is sweeping across Western democracies.
The Next Frontier
Experts warn of possible “dopamine whiplash” and caution Boomers to pace their re-entry into sober joy and unmedicated presence.
“Remember,” says Dr. FeelZ Good, now a cult figure among the newly balanced,
“you’re still healing decades of reward-seeking habits. It’s okay if you crave a little HGTV now and then.”
Meanwhile, in a final cosmic twist, many Boomers are now mentoring younger generations on natural joy cultivation.
One Gen Z influencer quipped,
“It’s weird… my mom taught me breathwork yesterday. I taught her how to rave. Maybe we’ll heal this planet after all.”
Winds of Uranus will continue to monitor this unprecedented development.
If your parents start suggesting ecstatic dance retreats, don’t panic. Just say yes. The Second Sixties are here.
Winds of Uranus 
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